Puzzled by the president’s recent interest in purchasing Greenland? Yeah, me too. Fortunately, the internet is a veritable treasure trove of
inaccurate unreliable poorly-sourced easy-to-find information, and it was but the work of a few minutes and one too many blue raspberry Eegees to track down the top reasons Donald Trump wants to buy Greenland.
- It’s the largest country on the map in the Situation Room.
- Not enough muskoxen at Mar-a-Lago.
- If he doesn’t act now, those damn liberals might amend the Constitution to prohibit buying and selling people.
- Sea ice futures. They’re a thing.
- The Flores settlement only applies to holding families in detention, not to abandoning them on Arctic islands.
- Obama never tried to buy an autonomous Danish territory, now, did he?
- No one on the moon will return the president’s calls.
- He called dibs, so there.